Clean Humor & Jokes

The diary of a user
Petko Bossakov
2:535/1

18.7. i tried to call a bbs. i hear it's very interesting and fun, but i can't connect. i must have done something wrong.

19.7. at the computer store they told me that i need a modem. it seems that they think that i am stupid and want to take my money. hmm. no way.

22.7. i bought a modem. i tried to connect it to the monitor and the printer, but it didn't work.

23.7. finally i made the modem work. the son of the neighbours (he's only 9 years old) connected it. unfortunately it still doesn't work and i can't connect to a bbs.

25.7. the neighbours' kid gave me some software. he seems smarter than those computer store guys who sold me the modem. they didn't tell me that i need special programs to use the modem and i'm sure they didn't know that.

26.7. damn! what's that "internet" thing? i thought that internet and bbs are the same. i'm pretty confused.

27.7. the neighbours' kid showed me how to use a browser. i told him that when he grows up he'll become a great programmer, and he said that even now he feels like a genius compared to me. hmm. he must be kidding.

28.7. today i tried to chat. i tried talking to the computer, but nothing happenned. Maybe i have to buy a microphone.

29.7. i found something called a "forum". it's great!

30.7. these guys in the forum can use capital letters. i wonder how do they do it? they must have different keyboards.

31.7. I CALLED THE STORE FROM WHICH I BOUGHT THE COMPUTER TO COMPLAIN THAT I DON'T HAVE CAPITAL LETTER KEYS. THEY TOLD ME TO PRESS THE CAPS LOCK KEY. AND WHEN I ALSO COMPLAINED THAT ONE OF THE SHIFT KEYS IS WIDER THAN THE OTHER, THEY SAID IT WAS A STANDARD. BUT I DON'T WANT A STANDARD KEYBOARD! I WANT A NORMAL KEYBOARD. IT SEEMS THAT MY NOTE WAS IMPORTANT, BECAUSE THEY THANKED ME AND SAID THAT THE WHOLE TECHNICAL SUPPORT DEPARTMENT WAS LISTENING TO ME ON THE SPEAKERPHONE.

1.8. I FOUND A FORUM. THEY SAID THAT THERE I CAN FIND ANSWERS TO ALL MY QUESTIONS. I SENT 44 QUESTIONS ABOUT COMPUTERS AND INTERNET. I HOPE I GET AN ANSWER SOON.

2.8. I FOUND ANOTHER FORUM, ABOUT JOKES. I DECIDED TO SEND THEM A JOKE ABOUT A CHICKEN THAT CROSSED THE ROAD. HOWEVER, I WASN'T SURE THAT IT WILL WORK, SO I SENT IT 56 MORE TIMES.

3.8. EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT A WORLD WIDE WEB. I NEVER IMAGINED THAT THERE CAN BE SO BIG SPIDERS. THEY MUST BE GENETICALLY MODIFIED.

4.8. THE FORUM MODERATOR ANSWERED ME. HE WASN'T VERY NICE AND I GOT PRETTY ANGRY. THAT'S WHY I WROTE IN THE FORUM WHAT I THINK ABOUT HIM. I WASN'T VERY SURE THAT IT WAS SENT, SO I SENT THE LETTER 22 MORE TIMES.

5.8. SOMEONE HAS LEFT ME A NOTE TO READ THE FAQ. THAT GOT ME EVEN ANGRIER. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT FAQS ARE FOR IDIOTS.

7.8. If writing in capitals isn't polite, why do we need a Caps Lock? They should make keyboards without it. They'd be cheaper this way.

8.8. I received a letter where I read how I can make lots of money. I carried out all the instructions, added my name and put it in all forums that I could find.

9.8. I set the letter as my signature. It's only 6 kilobytes. There is still some cosmetical work on it though.

10.8. In a forum I read that all lamers must die. I read a few more messages, and now I completely agree. I just have to find out who are those lamers, after all.

11.8. I asked where I can find the last version of Tetris. A guy told me to look for it in 2:50**/**. I searched for hours, but I couldn't find that forum.

12.8. Now I can't ask the neighbours' boy about anything. His parents wouldn't let him. They say that every time he came to visit me, he never stopped laughing, so he could neither eat nor study.

In the humor forum they didn't like my joke about the chicken. They seem to prefer other kinds of jokes. I received lots of other letters, but there are only symbols like @#$%^.

13.8. I asked in all the forums who are these lamers and where is 2:50**/****. I forgot to use my new signature (it's only 8 kilobytes).

14.8. I can't connect to the Internet. The sysop has left me a message not to call any more. :(

15.8. I found out that there are other providers in town. At least I can call them...