Clean Humor & Jokes

Women get last word?
From: Warren Bonner <wdbonner@pacbell.net>

Quotations from women about women .

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes- (at 73)

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows.
-Janette Barber-

Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.
-Jan King-

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
-Carrie Snow-

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
-Laurie Kuslansky-

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
-Erma Bombeck-

Old age ain't no place for sissies.
-Bette Davis-

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
-Rhonda Hansome-

The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
-Jane Sellman-

Every time I close the door on reality it comes in through the windows.
-Jennifer Unlimited-

Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
-Charlotte Whitton-

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
-Caryn Leschen-

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
-Jennifer Unlimited-

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
-Catherine Aird-

When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!
-Kathy Buckley-

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb . . and I'm also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton-

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
-Erica Jong-

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
-Sue Grafton-

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr-

I think---therefore I'm single.
-Lizz Winstead-

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
-Elayne Boosler-

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson-

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man--if you want anything done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher-

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
-Gloria Steinem-

I never married, because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.
-Marie Corelli-

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
-Linda Ellerbee-

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.
-Zsa Zsa Gabor-

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
-Eleanor Roosevelt-