Clean Humor & Jokes
back to main table of contents back to fidonews.orgCompassionate Lawyer
From: Warren Bonner <wdbonner@pacbell.net>
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then," instructed the lawyer.
"But, sir, I have a wife and two children!"
"Bring them along!" replied the lawyer. He turned to the other man and said, "Come with us."
"But sir, I have a wife and six children!" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!" answered the lawyer as he headed for his limo.
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is almost a foot tall."
back to clean humor table of contents back to main table of contents back to fidonews.orgComputer Contest from On High
From: Warren Bonner <wdbonner@pacbell.net>
Jesus and Satan were having an ongoing argument about who was better at using the computer.
They had been going at it for days, and God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally, God said, "Cool it. I am going to set up a test which will take two hours and it will judge who does the better job."
So Satan and Jesus sat down at their keyboards and typed away.
They moused.
They did spreadsheets.
They wrote reports.
They sent faxes.
They sent e-mail.
They sent out e-mail with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did some genealogy reports.
They made cards.
They did every known job.
But, ten minutes before the time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, the rain poured, and of course, the electricity went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word know in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed.
The electricity finally flickered back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically screaming, "It's gone! It's all gone! I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all his files from the past two hours.
Satan observed this and became even more irate.
"Wait! He cheated! How did he do it??!!"
(You'll love the punch line....)
God shrugged and said, "Jesus Saves."
8^)
back to clean humor table of contents back to main table of contents back to fidonews.orgSnooze chuckle
From: Warren Bonner <wdbonner@pacbell.net>
If you should ever come across a time bomb and there's only a few seconds left, press 'SNOOZE'.
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