Humor in a Fido Vein

• How Policy Begins & Why it won't change
• Policy Standards on "Dead Horses"

How Policy Begins & Why it won't change

Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water.

After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water.

Now, turn off the cold water.

If later another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes will try to prevent it even though no water sprays them.

Now remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.

Again, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest ape.

After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes which have been sprayed with cold water have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches the stairs. Why not?

"Because that's the way it's always been around here."

THAT'S how policy begins and WHY it won't change.

Policy Standards on "Dead Horses"

Dakota tribal wisdom says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

In Fidonet we often systematically follow other strategies, as a matter of policy, to deal with dead horses. Our research has uncovered the following:

1. Using a bigger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Saying things like "This is the way that we've always ridden dead horses."
4. Appointing a committee to study the dead horse.
5. Arranging to visit other echos to see how they ride dead horses.
6. Increasing (or lowering) the standards to ride dead horses.
7. Appointing a *CC team to revive the dead horse.
8. Creating a training session to increase ability to ride dead horses.
9. Make rules declaring, by fiat, that the horse is not dead.
10. Blaming the dead horse's parents.
11. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed, efficiency and echo traffic.
12. Declaring that no horse is too dead to ride.
13. Providing additional Echos to feed the dead horse to increase performance.
14. Do an Echo search to see if other Fidonet members are more capable of riding dead horses.
15. Declare that horses are, in general, better, faster, stronger and cheaper when dead.
16. Form a quality committee to find additional uses for dead horses.
17. Revisit the original requirements for horses to see if dead horses were undervalued.
18. Say the horse was procured by accedent as an independent variable.
19. Blame the farm on which it was born.
20. Promote the dead horse to a *C position.