True Stories Of FidoNet

1. Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
2. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
3. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
4. I'm desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
5. Do you think illiterate people get the full affect of alphabet soup?
6. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
7. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
9. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
10. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
11. One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
12. They show you how detergent takes out bloodstains. I think if you've got a tee shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn't your biggest problem.
13. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the walls.
14. A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, "Don't you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?" I said, "I didn't know there were any witnesses. Now I'll have to kill you too."
15. Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.

Subject: Longevity:

Humans are the longest-lived mammals and giant tortoises are the longest-lived reptiles, sometimes living as long as 150 years. Among birds, the record is held by turkey buzzards at 118 years. But thick-shelled ocean clams called quahogs hold the top longevity record among all animals. These slow-moving mollusks can live more than 200 years.

Quahogs are burrowing clams that feed on microscopic life they strain from the water. They use their fleshy foot to pull themselves under the mud, then extend two long tubes up into the water.

Native to the North Atlantic Ocean, quahogs are in great demand as food for people, and as a result, those found near shore seldom live longer than 10 or 20 years. Like many other North Atlantic life forms, populations of quahogs have been reduced greatly in some areas due to overcollecting.

Quahogs can be made into very good clam chowder: