Net Humor

From: <NASCARis50@aol.com>
To: <editor@fidonews.org>
Subject: lololol

I guess my day has started off just great compared to this guy!!!

====8<----

The Druggist Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone." Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up.

I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket.

Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."

He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still ringing.

When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it...half of them hit the floor and broke. Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it.

It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer...and believe me, Mister, I told her!"

From: "cfarris" <cfarris@wavex.com>
To:"Warren Bonner" <WDBonner@pacbell.net>

Everything I need to know, I learned from Noah's Ark:

One: Don't miss the boat. <remember Iberian plane ride to USA> 8^))

Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat. <But some on bridge>

Three: Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

Five: Don't listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.

Six: Build your future on high ground.

Seven: For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snailswere on board with the cheetahs.

Nine: When you're stressed, float a while.

Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

Eleven: No matter the storm, there's always a rainbow waiting.

Twelve: The Ark had no Windows! Only a POOP deck w/rainwater.

Author Unkown

A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.

The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing.

To which the boy replied, "Yes he did, Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us.

A distraught man went to a psychiatrist and exclaimed, "Doctor, I believe that I am possessed by an evil spirit."

After talking to the patient at some length, the psychiatrist said, "You do appear to have a problem. I'd like to see you again next Wednesday."

After a second session of psychotherapy, the pyschiatrist pronounced his patient completely cured.

For the next nine months, the psychiatrist sent the man a monthly statement for his professional services, but the man wouldn't pay and refused to acknowledge the debt.

Finally, the psychiatrist took the man to court and had him repossessed.

Two blonds decided to go into business together, so they pooled their money and bought a store in a nearby town.

One blond moved into an apartment above the store. Her partner bought a house just outside of town.

One night the blond outside of town couldn't sleep. Finally, she called his partner and asked her to look out the window to see if they had remembered to turn off the store's flashing neon sign.

The blond looked out the window and said, "Yeah we did, no we didn't, yeah we did, no we didn't..."