Net Humor

This weeks Humor

"What's the usual tip?" a man growled when the college boy who delivered his pizza.

"Well," the student replied, "this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I'd be doing great."

"That so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's five dollars."

"Thanks," the student said, "I'll put it in my college fund."

"By the way, what are you studying?"

"Applied psychology."

When the preacher's car broke down on a country road, he walked to a nearby roadhouse to use the phone. After calling for a tow truck, he spotted his old friend, Frank, drunk and shabbily dressed at the bar. "What happened to you, Frank?" asked the good reverend. "You used to be rich."

Frank told a sad tale of bad investments that had led to his downfall. "Go home," the preacher said. "Open your Bible at random, stick your finger on the page, and there will be God's answer."

Some time later, the preacher bumped into Frank, who was wearing a Gucci suit, sporting a Rolex watch, and had just stepped out of a Mercedes. "Frank," said the preacher, "I am glad to see things have really turned around for you."

"Yes, preacher, and I owe it all to you," said Frank. "I opened my Bible, put my finger down on the page and there was the answer.... Chapter 11." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ YOU KNOW YOU'RE `MATURE' WHEN............. 1. You and your teeth don't sleep together. 2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any. 3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal. 4. Your back goes out but you stay home. 5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture. 6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch. 7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio. 8. When happy hour is a nap. 9. When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does.. 10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it. 11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age. 12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there. 13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up. 14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired. 15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer. 16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr. 17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going. 18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend. 19. Getting "lucky" means you found your car in the parking lot. 20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals. 21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good. 22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work. 23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time. 24. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there. 25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good. 26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore. 27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. 28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it. 29 Your doctor says, "You have heart trouble and dropsy". 30 What is that you ask? Doc:"You drop down on your butt, and don't have the heart to get up"! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have no idea what/why that last paragraph looks the way it does. That's exactly how I received it. If the editor distributes an update I'll install that. [jb]