Columns

• Engineering 401
• ECHO TALK - Try saying this
• This Weeks Web Page

Engineering 401
by Ol'WDBonner@pacbell.net

"Professor's Definitions Of A Kiss"

Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways:

Prof. of Computer Science:

A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.

Prof. of Algebra:

A kiss is two divided by nothing.

Prof. of Geometry:

A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.

Prof. of Physics:

A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.

Prof. of Chemistry:

A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.

Prof. of Zoology:

A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.

Prof. of Physiology:

A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in the state of contraction.

Prof. of Dentistry:

A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

Prof. of Accountancy:

A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.

Prof. of Economics:

A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.

Prof. of Statistics:

A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.

Prof. of Philosophy:

A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

Prof. of English:

A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.

Prof. of Engineering:

Uh, What? I'm not familiar with that term. <chuckle>

WDB

ECHO TALK
Food for thought from Fido's echomail.
Purloined without permission by D Myers

August Abolins, 1:163/144

A Letter from Fidonet Management

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout Fidonet have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation in echomail. Due to complaints received from the one person who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with others.

Therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending this one sensitive person.

TRY SAYING:

Perhaps I can help you with that.

INSTEAD OF:

And when the f*ck do you expect me find an answer for that?

TRY SAYING:

I'm certain that isn't feasible.

INSTEAD OF:

No f*cking way.

TRY SAYING:

Really?

INSTEAD OF:

You've got to be shitting me!

TRY SAYING:

Perhaps you should check with...

INSTEAD OF:

Tell someone who gives a shit.

TRY SAYING:

Of course I'm concerned.

INSTEAD OF:

Ask me if I give a shit.

TRY SAYING:

I wasn't involved in the project.

INSTEAD OF:

It's not my f*cking problem.

TRY SAYING:

That's interesting.

INSTEAD OF:

What the f*ck?

TRY SAYING:

I'm not sure this can be implemented.

INSTEAD OF:

This shit won't work.

TRY SAYING:

I'll try to schedule that.

INSTEAD OF:

Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING:

Are you sure this is a problem?

INSTEAD OF:

Who the hell cares?

TRY SAYING:

He's not familiar with the issues.

INSTEAD OF:

He's got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING:

Excuse me, sir?

INSTEAD OF:

Eat shit and die.

TRY SAYING:

So you weren't happy with it?

INSTEAD OF:

Kiss my ass.

TRY SAYING:

I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.

INSTEAD OF:

F*ck it, I'm on salary.

TRY SAYING:

I don't think you understand.

INSTEAD OF:

Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING:

I love a challenge.

INSTEAD OF:

This sucks.

TRY SAYING:

You want me to take care of that?

INSTEAD OF:

Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING:

I see.

INSTEAD OF:

Blow me.

TRY SAYING:

I don't think this will be a problem.

INSTEAD OF:

I really don't give a shit.

TRY SAYING:

He's somewhat insensitive.

INSTEAD OF:

He's a prick.

TRY SAYING:

She's an aggressive go-getter.

INSTEAD OF:

She's a ball-busting bitch.

TRY SAYING:

I think you could use more training.

INSTEAD OF:

You don't know what the f*ck you're doing.

Thank You,
Fidonet Management

This Weeks Web Page
by Frank Vest
1:124/6308(.1)

What: Net282
Where: http://www.rxn.com/~net282/

The meat of it.

Net 282 is a FidoNet sub-net covering the extended metropolitan area of the Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul. The Twin Cities are located in east-central Minnesota. (taken from the page)

This is a long page. It starts with a map of the U.S.A. on which the location of Net282 is circled. Other than the WebRing banner at the bottom, this is the only graphic on the page.

Now... you might be saying "No graphics!?!"... but wait. This page is rich in access to historical documents on Fidonet as well as current information. From the bottom of the map to the top of the WebRing banner, it is filled with links with subjects such as "Find out how to join Net 282!" as well as "Link to Net 282 Member's Home Pages " and more. Under this section are links to Fidonet related sites, Fidonet Policy documents (both present and past), technical standards, Fidonews, the Nodelist, Fidonet history and more.

I haven't checked every link, but I will tell you that I intend to visit and read and/or capture a lot of the information on this page. If you're looking for a wealth of information on Fidonet, check this page out. Even if you aren't, check it out anyway... You just might learn something. :-)

Till Next week, regards,

Frank