Net Humor

The last few years have seen many mergers, and anticipating new mergers can mean excellent market gains. Here are some likely mergers to watch for in the year 2000.

• Xerox and Wurlitzer: They're going to make reproductive organs.
• Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers: New company will be called Fairwell Honeychild.
• Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Keebler: New company will be called Poly-Warner-Cracker.
• W. R. Grace Co., Fuller Brush Co., Mary Kay Cosmetics, and Hale Business Systems: New company will be called Hale Mary Fuller Grace.
• 3M & Goodyear: mmmGood
• John Deere & Abitibi-Price: Deere Abi
• Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil: Honey, I'm Home
• Denison Mines, Alliance, and Metal Mining: Mine, All Mine
• 3M, J.C. Penney, Metropolitan Opera Company: 3 Penney Opera
• Grey Poupon & Dockers Pants: Poupon Pants
• Knott's Berry Farm & National Organization of Women: Knott NOW!
• Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco, Dakota Mining: Zip Audi Do-Da
• And finally, with Rex Harrison in permanent retirement, Eddie Murphy will be the new CEO of the merger of Dr. Pepper Soft Drinks, E. I. DuPont de Nemours & Co. and management consultants Arthur D. Little, Inc. The new entity to be called Dr. DuLittle.