Columns

Dear EditorBeing,

This article is submitted by Doc Logger (1:163/110) in the faint hopes that it will actually find its way into the Snooz on the fifth attempt. All appropriate small furry animals have been sacrificed as appeasements to the gods so that they can instill His Henkness with a vague understanding of what the word "editing" means.

Roll da flic, Henk....

Dear Reverend Visage,

I know that you have probably been as amused as I have with the news that Billy Clinton is wagging the dog in another effort to distract the public. For this month's diversion, he has chosen to make sabre-rattling noises in the direction of Iraq. If CNN's Christian Amanpour would take the golf balls out of her mouth I might be able to understand what she is saying, but I think the gist of it is that US air forces are slated to bomb Iraq back into the Stone Age, which is apparently a different Stone Age from the last one they were allegedly bombed into.

As you know, I am not the least bit cynical and fully believe that the Americans are engaging in another live-fire test over Baghdad for reasons that have everything to do with "keeping the world safe for democracy" and other piffle foisted on the gullible public by the State Department. I must have missed it, but I haven't quite seen any democratic elections in Kuwait recently - that bastion of personal freedom which the Western world so nobly defended. One can only hope that the good companies of France, who never met a moral issue that wasn't flexible, will garner the usual profits by selling arms to both sides in the conflict.

You'll be so pleased to learn that Satti's lonely November thought was a petulant rant to Lynn Gipson who had stated the obvious - that Satti was about as useful as dimorphisms on a nun. The rattling of poor Satti's thought was made more amusing by the fact that he claimed to be running Fidonet through a series of netmail responses. The good news is that Satti's term of office is over in March and one hopes that the various RCs in Zone1 will find someone with vital life signs to take over the role.

I see that Zone 2 has opened the floodgates to AntFarmMail by allowing IP addresses into the nodelist. Under the well-intentioned guise of opening up communications to a wider spectrum of users, they have put the kiss of death on Fidonet. Their argument is about as specious as suggesting that Windows has made for more efficient usage of computers. The good news is that the new addressing will give Lisa Gronke, The Ministry of Fidonet Antiquities & Echomail Regularity, more things to talk about as she follows arcane paths and echomail routing schemes. The perpetual debates between Bob Seaborn and John Souvestre can now be seamlessly merged with the alt.guinea.pig.conspiracy newsgroup.

For those Luddites who still read printed text, this week's recommendation is Nick Hornby's "High Fidelity." Hornby gives away a great many "guy team" secrets but the book is intelligently funny. Check it out.

I must go, Visage. Your secretary has booked me to speak at this year's Swamp Swine Magazine Annual Awards dinner. The only award we won was for "outstanding fiction in petty cash vouchers" which was given in recognition of the fact that no one had ever claimed a brace of water buffalo as "research assistants." Your secretary is not a well woman, Visage, and the fact that she has taken up smoking cigars and winking at me is proof positive of that.

Regards,
Doc Logger,
Furlang Island,
South Pacific