Net Humor

Survivor's Guide to the
SUPER-BITCH conference
Douglas Myers 1:270/720 doug@mdtnbbs.com

Bitches have been with us always, but they are no longer considered chattel. Not only have they emancipated themselves over the last few centuries, but now they are finding, from within their ranks, those who epitomize the essence of all that is bitchin'. These Super-Bitches have their own conference on Fido now!

We've been able to hold off the bitches in the late nineteenth and early twentieth century with promises of equality. But with the advent of the Super-Bitches, such a gambit no longer works. No self-respecting Super-Bitch will settle for mere equality.

Of course, us guys could survive by avoiding the bitches altogether. And now that we've had our little laugh, lets get into a practical technique. Write this down and memorize it: Survival amoungst the Super-Bitches is basically a matter of being henpecked. Since I have over a quarter-century devoted to the practical application of this technique, I'd like to discuss it briefly (if it's okay with the Super-Bitches, that is)...

Be yourself when you enter the echo. While it may be tempting to keep your attitude and behavior under control at first, you still have a quota of faults to maintain. If you don't display them, the Super-Bitches will assign sufficient to bring you up to snuff. So just be yourself and, above all, don't ask permission for it - a Super-Bitch will just figure you're trying to limit her right to bitch about it later.

Of course, you'll find yourself in confrontation anyway - did you expect less from _this_ conference? But you can survive if you keep these techniques in mind:

1. Don't panic. You're not expected to understand the arguement, and it will change frequently anyway.
2. Don't rely on the echo rules as a guideline. Don't even bother reading them. You're only expected to know one rule - the one that was just made up for you.
3. Memorize the phrase "Yes, Dear" and utter it in a resigned tone each time the Super-Bitch pauses. She's checking to make sure that you're not paying attention.

You may be tempted to argue back, but keep in mind that 50,000 bitches can't be wrong. There aren't actually that many connected to the echo, of course, but do you want to be the one to bring that up?

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| Fidonet: Douglas Myers 1:270/720@fidonet.org
| Internet: doug@mdtnbbs.com
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