Columns

Dear Editorbeing,

This column is submitted by Doc Logger (163/110) who was busy drowning in the humid air mass that got lost and headed up here to the frozen tundra. I think the weatherbeings should send it back to Texas where it belongs.

Roll da flic Zorch....

Dear Reverend Visage,

Another slow week in Fidoland. The only amusing action has been in the petulant footstomping of Satti's second stringer in the Z1C elflord echo. It seems that Bowerman is attempting to remove the riffraff so that poor Satti won't get his tender sensitivities bruised when he wanders back into the echo. Satti messages haven't been seen for months in public and if he can perfect an equal cone of silence in private messages then he will have finally achieved his level of competence.

Poor Bowerman is naive enough to accept a telephone bill as proof of His Zorchness' integrity. It wasn't that long ago that the lads in the Kohl troll kingdom were justifiably scoffing at the notion that a telephone number proved anything. Our prayers and our edible underwear should go out to Bowerman in his hour of delirium.

There have been minor renewals of the perpetual discussion about what to do with the unwieldy dog of Peefour. A decent burial should be arranged with all possible haste but I don't think that this would satisfy those who don't want to assume responsibility and would rather have someone else make their choices for them via a series of stone tablets.

I notice that an unimaginative soul has registered "fidonet.com" with Internic. Naturally, the choice of name is purely coincidence and has nothing to do with making ersatz claims on the real Fidonet. The morons who usurp existing and recognized names by registering them as Internet domains should be forced to go out on a date with Linda Tripp.

This will have to be barely enough liner to cover the bird cage because Swamp Swine Magazine is sending me on a short kayak journey with a collection of deranged and drunken yuppies. My assignment is to ascertain how stupid people can get when a little liquor and wilderness are mixed. This pastime seems to reach a high art form when young professionals get away from the office and try to out macho each other by running into rocks. I shall be sure to bring my "Space Balls" CD with William Shatner's version of "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds" so that the yuppies' last sensation on earth is suitably horrific...hell will seem comparatively pleasant.

I must go, Visage, the sun is over the yard arm, and the driveway is filled with Hummers waiting to transport me beyond the heart of darkness.

Regards,
Doc Logger
Nanook School of Kayaking & Bartending,
somewhere on the mighty Dumoine River