Net Humor

International Fart Catchers' Association FAQ Sheet
By Lesley-Dee Dylan
1:250/525
hippy@to.org

From: Secretary, IFCA
To: Propeller Head Junior
Subject: FAQ sheet for the
International Fart Catchers' Association

Thank you so much for your recent application to the International Fart Catchers' Association. Below is a FAQ sheet to provide you with our rules for membership.

PHJ> How is one nominated for membership?

Membership is usually achieved by nomination by an enemy, but self-nominations are accepted.

PHJ> Is membership restricted to only international-quality fart
PHJ> catchers?

It is unusual to have someone nominated for membership in recogition of duties performed at a regional level rather than an international level, but it can happen.

PHJ> Are there any membership dues?

The membership fee of 24 tins of baked beans should be delivered, as soon as possible, to Vancouver. This is usually done by the nominator, but if you are self-nominated, you will have to perform this duty yourself. And if you are applying for a membership based on duties performed at a regional level, you will also be required to deliver a similar membership fee to your RC.

PHJ> How often are the members required to renew their
PHJ> membership?

In most cases, annually, but in cases where there is outstanding performance of fart-catching duties, a life-membership is awarded.

PHJ> Do you have to be a resident of the zone/region in which you
PHJ> are doing your best fart-catching?

We have accepted the nomination of Clay Tannacore for recognition of fart-catching in a region other than his own and are in the process of creating a new category of membership. Alec Grynspan will be required to submit membership dues to Rockledge, Los Angeles and Vancouver.

PHJ> I've seen magenta beanie caps and puce beanie caps. Is there
PHJ> a significance to the color differentiation? Are there any
PHJ> other colors available?

The beanie caps are reversable, and can be worn magenta side to the brain or puce to the brain. The propellers are always green and orange striped with purple pokadots. But remember, you must unscrew the wing-bolt on the underside of the cap to remove the propeller, and then screw it on upside down when you turn the cap inside out. Bob Kohl recently found this out the hard way, and caused some minor injuries. Fortunately, he had a small brain, and it wasn't too badly hurt by the scrambling it got.

PHJ> How did you get to be recording secetary of such an esteemed
PHJ> body as the Fart Catchers?

Unfortunately, none of the member Fart Catchers are capable of handling the duties. None of them seem to be able to handle important details like transferring in-transit mail without forwarding it to the Chief Farter, or maintaining up-to-date nodelist segments, or membership lists. One is even unable to appoint an REC. So the Fart Catchers had to appoint an outsider as their recording secretary.

The administration of the IFCA is perfectly aware that fart catching has a harmful effect on the intelligence of the catcher, since the brain capacity is reduced by the hot gasses caught, so if you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask. We have learned patience and understanding in the administrative capacities we choose to serve.