Net Humor

DOS Users Anonymous
by Mike Riddle, mriddle@monarch.papillon.ne.us

Subject: DOS users anonymous

DOS Users Anonymous 12 Step Program

The heart of the DUA's suggested program of personal recovery is contained in Twelve Steps describing the experience of the earliest recovering DOS users:

1. We admitted we were powerless over upgrades - that our computers had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves - Microsoft - could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Bill Gates as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless Defrag and Scandisk of our hard drive.
5. Admitted to Bill Gates to ourselves and to our list server the exact version of our current operating system.
6. Were entirely ready to have Windows 95 remove all these accustomed benefits of convenience, reliability, and productivity.
7. Humbly asked him to remove our current operating system's simplicity.
8. Made a list of all files (hidden or system) we had accidentally deleted and became willing to commit to the Window's 95 recycling feature.
9. Made direct payment to Microsoft or its agent wherever possible, except when to do so would require us to use the MS Network.
10. Continued to struggle with the Win 95 installation program and when we were finally out of time and patience promptly admitted it to Microsoft product support.
11. Sought through the Microsoft home page to improve our conscious contact with Bill Gates as we understood Him, asking only for knowledge of His will for us and software (conforming to the Active Accessibility standard) to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to disabled computer users everywhere and to use Windows 95 (or higher) applications in all our computing.

Newcomers are not asked to accept or follow these Twelve Steps in their entirety if they feel unwilling or unable to do so.