Columns

The Planet of 300 Foot Pinocchios
by Doc Logger

Dear Editorbeing,

This article is submitted by Doc Logger (163/110) who was busy trying to decipher the extraterrestrial signals sent by Bill Whitehorse. As near as could be translated, the messages said: "Don't talk to plants when the moon is full" but that could be an error due to Sunspot interference with the transmissions.

Roll da flic, Zorch.....

Dear Reverend Visage,

The week has passed with the usual amusements provided by the same cast of Fido elflords. It seems that all of Fidoland is soon to be ruled by Bob Satti who assembled enough votes to become IC. It is only a minor trifle that Satti didn't deign to ask his own zone who they would prefer and hasn't obtained a mandate to act as Z1C. Ward Dossche, Z2C, who possessed both an electoral mandate and a consensus of the Zone 2 sysops was brushed aside in the stampede to ensure that representative democracy is kept at bay for another year at least. Triples all round at the ZCC conference and may the farce be with them.

What is more remarkable about the selection of Satti is that he was busily mischaracterizing Dossche's position in the Z1C echo, and then had a minor pouty fit when Dossche posted corrections to Satti's nosestretchers. Satti wasn't alone however, because our lil' buddy Dallas "Pinocchio" Hinton, R17C was trying to defend having stuffed $een-bys into echomail traffic. Poor Dallas was also caught telling fibs about the topic of discussions in the Z1REGCON echo but used the quite incredible explanation for his duplicity that the Z1REGCON echo wasn't open to the public anyway. Visage, you've had more experience with Nixon than I have, but is situational ethics endemic in all walks of political life? Jerry Swartz, R16C, tried to float the same outrageous dissemblings and we can only hope that his explanations are as entertaining as Hinton's.

Not to be outdone, our very own Zorch chose to parse some of Dossche's messages a little differently than the rest of the universe and managed to discern hints that Dossche was trying to stifle free speech. The truly hilarious part of Zorch's rant is the fact that what he incorrectly accuses Dossche, Zorch appears to be doing with his warnings to Ruth Argust about flying an appropriate mailer flag on a shared system. I'm not sure that irony is in Zorch's vocabulary but it certainly abounds in the splendour of his messages and editorials.

For this week's Chautauqua I'll lead off with a quote from Niccolo Machiavelli's "The Prince" which is a sort of primer for the expedient and cynical forms of governance.

"How laudable is it for a prince to keep his word and govern actions by integrity rather than trickery will be understood by all. Nonetheless we have in our times seen great things accomplished by many princes who have thought little of keeping their promises and have known the art of mystifying the minds of men. Such princes have won out over those whose actions were based on fidelity to their word."

And one more quote from Dallas Hinton, R17C, writing about the qualifications for a ZC:

"As far as *I'm* concerned, only a current RC is even remotely qualified for the job. The average NC could no more be a successful ZC than walk to the moon."

In the selection of Satti as IC, I think we have seen this Machiavellian principle employed with predictable consequences. On the one hand, Satti was bleating that he couldn't entertain legitimate requests for representative democracy because he was "saddled with policy" and on the other hand explaining that the previous IC had been elected by an "extension" to policy. What was sauce for the goose apparently isn't sauce for the gander. We had the amazing spectacle of the Z5C whose Zone numbers 86 sysops, casting an equal vote to the Z2C whose zone numbers 14,000 sysops. The Z5C's vote was made even more amusing by the fact that he was telling the FN_SYSOP mob that he was a keen supporter of representative democracy. Clearly, he is clueless as to the meaning of the words.

We also have the quote from Hinton, R17C, who demonstrates an utter disdain for the abilities of NCs, and one wonders what opinion he actually holds about sysops. Hinton was one of the Great Minds who ensured that Satti wouldn't need to suffer the inconvenience of a sysop vote.

I think what was more tragic about the IC election is that it could have provided a mechanism to chart the course of Fidonet's future. The issue of the declining nodelist and the reasons for sysop disenchantment could have been addressed and perhaps remedied. Unfortunately, we are now to be "led" by Satti whose imagination appears limited to the non-responsive, monosyllabic grunts which have become his means of communication in the Z1C echo. It was probably too much to hope for that the ZCs would at least spend some effort on the future of Fidonet rather than entrenching another elflord who will replace insight with an orison that he is bound by policy.

Since humility was never one of my vices, I'd like to suggest that one of the most pressing problems confounding Fidonet is the quality of messages that are entered. How can we ever hope to compete with the eye-candy of Internet when we are creating vistas of sludge in our echos with their antfarm collections of quotes and emoticons sandwiched between words that rarely resemble full sentences or sentient thought. Does no one have any pride in what they write? Does no one possess the skills to write a cogent thought in a coherent fashion? Will someone please tell me that Forrest Gump hasn't been cloned and set loose on thousands of computers?

At this juncture I would like to include the full text of two messages that I sent to Zorch Frezberg. As the Snoozlord, I'm sure that he will have the first and last word on the issue but I feel that the entirety of my messages should be reproduced.

"To: Zorch Frezberg
Subject: Zorched earth policy?

If you read FIDOECHOPOL you might notice that after I raised my initial concerns, I stopped posting in that echo because I didn't have anything more to say. Incredibly, I agree that arguing over a "blank page" is futile other than advancing the first belief that the page should remain blank.

I do have a genuine concern about Fidonet. I also realize that it is relatively easy for you to discount what I say by trivializing it as "rabble rousing" for the hell of it. I guess it depends on which side of the wall you happen to be on when the arrows start flying.

I was as vociferous about the various OBO, NAB, BOFAQ "policy" initiatives as I am about the current infestation of policymongers. When the ZEC tried to take echomail out from *C control, I saved my wit and worked to establish alternative routing to do an end run around the bastards.

I don't agree with removing the Tom Jennings trademarks but I see the issue as meaningless anyway. Tom is the only one who could assert claims to those trademarks and he has publicly declared that he doesn't intend to do so, other than speaking up to preclude someone else from claiming that right. You are wrong, by the way, about "violating international treaties and accords." Since my legal weasel was already inclined to rack up billable hours on my behalf, I had her research the issue. The Berne Convention applies if trademarks are registered in the applicable countries. The convention merely prevents someone else from registering his trademarks in Germany, but until Jennings does register them, they have no effect and - read closely here - falsely asserting a trademark in Germany (or Canada, or England, and perhaps others) is illegal.

I am dismayed that Fidonet has been partially usurped by commercial entities, but since there are a number of them, monopoly control hasn't happened. In fact, with FTP connections, the limited potential for control has been diminished substantially.

You mischaracterize my motives when you say that my actions indicate "an effort to cause destructive chaos." Anarchism doesn't mean chaos. Perhaps you and I disagree on our levels of optimism. You apparently subscribe to Burke's theory of governance where the "swinish mob" shouldn't be trusted with their own choices, whereas I subscribe to Paine's notion that choice is an inalienable right. (The Constitutions of your country and mine tend to enshrine the rights of which I speak.)

I see the process of establishing accountability of *Cs as constructive. As far as I know, I'm only "acting in concert" with people because they share the same goals. My only power is one of suasion, whereas the *Cs who are balking at accountability are armed with their presumptive powers to control the nodelist. As a small footnote, I am occasionally more embarrassed by the people who agree with me, than those who oppose me...but anyone who accepts democracy or anarchism acknowledges the right of others to say what they please. On that same note, you might also have noticed that I have been very quick to chastise those cretins who would join a lynch mob to remove you as the Snoozlord.

Your point is well taken that there may be a majority of sysops who are happy with the status quo. I don't presume to speak for them, but I do seek to persuade them. In almost all cases, I could blithely ignore the *Cs because their influence on my enjoyment of the hobby is minimal. My recent emergence from somnolence has everything to do with the fact that the ZC was musing about nuking our entire net from the nodelist over the childish antics of a few sysops. It occurred to me that if the *Cs were prepared to be that Draconian in their response, then perhaps it was time to disarm the *Cs so that their lack of wisdom wouldn't be inflicted on me.

In truth I don't know if Dossche is a wolf in sheep's clothing because my only evidence is reading a few messages. What I do know is that you and a few others have consistently mischaracterized his position, and resort to vile insults, which leads me to conclude that he represents more promise than his detractors. You seem to see "control" devolving to Europe, as though the sysops there represent some sort of block. I see "control" devolving to sysops and it matters little to me where they live. One of the promises of Fidonet was that it would create a community of sysops who lived all over the planet.

To: Zorch Frezberg
Subject: brimstone and sulfur

I think as a first premise in our discussion we should agree that neither of us represent a lumpen group for whose actions we're personally responsible. What the rest of net163 chooses to do is beyond my control, and also beyond my desire to control. Similarly, it wouldn't be appropriate to include Reg10 sysops as something for which you are responsible. As a matter of record, there are a great many things that net163 sysops do or have done that I don't agree with but I adamantly defend their right to do as they choose.

On ECHPOLOL: You haven't answered a very simple question which is: what problems will be solved by the creation of more policy? Until you do that, common sense seems to indicate that you're riding a headless horse which *may* produce a happy result but the odds are against it. I've read your posts, including the one which appeared today, and you seem to begin with an a priori assumption that a document is required. I remain unconvinced, and as I said, I'm not posting in the echo because I have nothing substantive to say on that issue.

You said "You have a wall to hide behind." Which wall would that be?

You also said that don't have friends to hide behind. I agree with you there and I don't recall ever asserting otherwise.

I'm not sure it would be illuminative to trade war stories about which people we've respectively battled over the history of Fidonet, but on the issue of the OBO/ NAB/ BOFAQ, you merely have to read back issues of the Snooz to obtain my opinions that were expressed at the time. (One in particular, titled "Who are those guys?" might help you.)

If you could quote me the relevant section of the WIPO treaty I would be pleased to tell my lawyer that she has given me incorrect advice. My message did indicate that the trademark copyright problem occurs in Germany so perhaps they aren't yet signatories?

John Souvestre controls echomail only to the extent that people choose to use his services for routing. For a good part of 1995 I was sending the whole Backbone direct to Montana so that they wouldn't have to contend with a local despot. I sent a good chunk of the backbone to Vienna on my dime in the early 90's for exactly the same reasons. If either you or I felt that any of the echomail relays were misbehaving, it would be a trivial exercise to pick up the entire backbone via Internet connections.

I would guess that your private netmail from Dossche is more "threatening" than his public messages. Even the snippets that you posted in FIDONEWS don't support your assertion that he was filing a policy complaint. Just so's you know, the characterizations of Dossche as being some sort of fascist aren't born out by his public messages. You don't understand the meaning of the word if you believe that exercising his mandate from his Zone, with their specific approval on the IC issue, constitutes any sort of totalism.

We can trade invective all day about whether my admiration for anarchy is "destructive" or "constructive." I think what we need are specifics in terms of what you think it will destroy and then perhaps I can respond by estimating whether the loss is a good or bad thing. To start off, I think that it will create cooperation out of necessity.

I don't recall accusing someone of molesting animals or children or was your reference to those issues some sort of Straw Man that was meant to subdue my arguments?

I admit that I am given to hyperbole and a belittling tone in a number of my messages. I don't suffer fools gladly and I'm not shy about telling people that. If you can give me an example of something that I have "mischaracterized" about you, then I'd be happy to correct it.

I don't apologize for my education nor for using knowledge in my messages. I don't feel inclined to "dumb down" my discourse for a presumed lowest common denominator. Your "Whoopee do" paragraph was what? Faint praise? Jealousy? Gawd knows what it was. We both agree that Paine believed in choice as an inalienable right to the extent that your rights didn't intrude on mine. Can you point out where I've said otherwise?

You should read the Snooz more often, but the quote from Paine speaks specifically to the issue of "governance" and where "governance" obtains its legitimacy. I suggest you read the whole book by Paine because he has a great deal to say about whether "governance" is grandfathered upon future generations simply because one generation formed a compact to be governed.

No, your choice of two public posts does not prove that Dossche believes in the suppression of free speech. You also ought to read his message in the Z1C echo where he also took pains to explain that his concerns should be addressed but not be the cause for excommunication. I believe in free speech - specifically your right to use value-laden language likening Dossche to a Nazi regime. I also believe that your use of such terms is vile, just as I believe that using the "n" word to describe blacks or the "k" word to describe Jews; are vile. Your value system differs from mine, which is fine, and I would also defend your right to say those things while maintaining my right to tell you that the words are despicable.

On the matter of my naivete about Dossche. When his posts started showing up they looked reasonable. I netmailed ten sysops (more or less randomly chosen) in his Zone and asked questions. I got 8 responses, all of which were positive. I netmailed Dossche directly and got answers to my questions. On that basis, I ascertained that his platform was worthy of support. What more could I do to educate myself? Now, contrast that with my experiences with Satti who rarely answers a question in a straightforward manner and has no substance to his platform and no mandate to advance what little he offers.

I find it exceptionally difficult to believe that you would feel intimidated by anything let alone a presumed threat of a policy complaint. I don't know what its like on your end of the political spectrum but I count it as a slow week if my Snooz articles don't generate at least a couple of policy complaint threats and the odd threat of personal injury. Hell, socially maladroit people have been known to threaten policy complaints over the mailer where a message originated (cough).

I don't claim to represent the "common man." I represent an idea which I hope will be appealing and I fully expect other sysops to act according to their beliefs. It bears repeating that the only tool in my arsenal is one of persuasion - I'm a <RETURN> key away from being powerless. The idea that I support is the one that founded Fidonet and worked very well for Fidonet until the first infestation of policymongers.

I've often joked about the fact that you and I are similar in temperament but just happen to live on opposite poles of the political spectrum. My ideal version of Fidonet suggests that there is not only room for both of us, but that we both have the freedom to express our opinions. Where we essentially disagree is in the extent to which we are willing to give up freedom to either "policy" or *Cs. When I joined Fidonet, there was no requirement to give up freedoms to either of those "authorities" and I'd like to see Fidonet returned to that condition.

I'll grant that the current crop of elflords are pissants compared to the totalist ambitions of Dodell or Kashuba in the past, but they still haven't seemed to grasp what role they ought to have in Fidonet.

This whole discussion has centered around form in Fidonet as opposed to substance. I believe that the most significant issue to be faced by Fidonet is the content and style of messages. (Just so you don't get alarmed, I am adamantly opposed to any sort of compunction with respect to content or style.) The echomail that is moved, and the political landscape through which it flows are trivial compared to examining what is being moved.

I don't know if it has occurred to you that you are a rarity in Fidoland. You write in whole sentences (most of the time,) you engage subjects with a certain amount of thought, and you obviously devote energy to what you write. Contrast your writings with much of what fills echomail conferences. The poor moderators who might have been educators have been reduced to kindergarten teachers adjudicating petty squabbles. Place any 100 messages from an echo in front of the average literate person and explain that it represents the best and the brightest of International discourse on the echomail topic... and then try to figure out why sysops are leaving in droves and why users avoid Fidonet like the plague. The answer will be self-evident in those 100 messages with their screenfuls of quotes, their trophalactic grunts, their emoticons, and their general level of utter gibberish.

If I had to saddle up Pedro and tilt at a significant windmill, it would be on the issue of convincing sysops and users to raise their levels of communication beyond the dreck which gets posted now. Perhaps, on this issue we might happily find ourselves on the same side of the fence?" / / / /

I must go, Visage. The El Nino current has washed video-cassettes of Gerry Springer shows onto the beach. Your secretary has taken up fisticuffs and is pummeling the filing cabinet. I fear that if we don't distract her, the contents of the cabinet - which is some of the finest Scotch - may be disturbed in their slumber. As the good and decent people that we are, we should send her immediately to Moose Meadow, Saskatchewan.

Regards,
Doc Logger,
Furlang Island, South Pacific