Columns

Dear EditorBeing,

This article is submitted by Charles Herriot(163/110) who discovered Logger hunched over a threadbare copy of the "Bride of Frankenstein" whose title had been crossed out and replaced with the words "Policy 4." Logger was wearing a "Zorch for IC in '98" button in his left lapel (and, a "Clinton for Pope in 2000" button in his right lapel.)

Roll da flic, Zorch....

Dear Reverend Visage,

Where the hell are you? I must tell you that the editors of Swamp Swine Magazine have become overly concerned about your recent submission of petty cash vouchers. I somehow doubt that they want to be the proud owners of some prime real estate located on the Whitewater River in Arkansas, even if Whitewater happens to have the historic value of being the only place in the universe where Slick Willy kept it in his shorts.

I trust you noticed that this month's issue of Rolling Stone has several incoherent column inches from that toothless old troll, Hunter S. Thompson? I fear that the poor sod has skidded off the Proud Highway and now lies blubbering in the ditch. I shall burn a few LeeAnne Rimes CDs as an appeasement to the gods that must be torturing his hollow soul.

At the risk of sending you even further to a life of drink, loose cars and fast women, I should tell you that the bad craziness in Region 12 continues to amuse. Our RC, Mike O'Connor lumbered up onto his hind paws and informed the net163 NC to "clean up the nodelist" or else all of the net would sink below the Pacific. Mike "Weasels R' Us" O'Connor made this threat by invoking the name of Bob "ZC for Life" Satti. Naturally, the NC163 flexed a spine of purest jello and caved in to Mike's demands. Much embarrassment all around when it was discovered that Bob "ZC for Life" Satti had made no threat and that the whole brouhaha was a product of Mike's fertile, bootlicking imagination. Triples all round at the Z1REGCON echo, and may the farce be with them. (Hint: When whispering the name "Z1REGCON" around Bob Kohl, be sure to wear asbestos underwear because he strains a few headgaskets at the concept that Fidoserfs would ever learn of the SuperSecret FidoGod echo.)

This week's Chautauqua springs from a fascinating book called "Witch Hunt, A True Story of Social Hysteria and Abused Justice" by Kathryn Lyon. Lyon asserts that there have been three major bouts of legal hysteria in the U.S. The first and second were the Salem Witch Trials, and Mccarthyism. The third and ongoing witch hunt concerns the area of prosecutions for sexual abuse. She details the outrageous behaviour of various Wenatchee, Washington police, social workers, etc. who charged 41 people with offenses based upon the principle testimony of a 4 year old girl. The girl was browbeaten into making the claims by a deranged police detective and the stories defied logic and physical possibility. The author takes pains to point out that sexual abuse is a problem, that real incidents are horrific and abhorrent, but what is even more frightening is that the accusations of abuse have become a new realm where lives are ruined and grudges settled by malign individuals.

What makes the Wenatchee story so provocative is that the zealotry of the police extended to persecuting the critics of their methods. Simple concepts like presumption of innocence fell by the wayside, and the same hysterical fears engendered by McCarthy kept decent people from voicing their repugnance at the police methods. What really jolted me as I read the book was that I realized that the occurrence wasn't a Kafka fiction - but rather a very real story taking place in 1995 in the theoretical heartland of the civilized world. Even discounting the hyperbole that attends the Excited States' head-patting about their Constitutional freedoms, I had assumed that they paid more than lip service to rights and due process. This book is scary reading.

What makes this Chautauqua somewhat relevant to Fidoland is the notion that freedom is a perilously fragile commodity. It takes very few individuals with presumptive powers to cow the gullible, the brainless and the gutless into submission. The recent silliness with respect to net163's nodelist is a case in point, where a few socially maladroit complainants have somehow gotten the ear of Fidogods. Why is it that the skirl of martial bagpipes seems to goad *C-beings into flexing power? Why do *C-beings suddenly become morons and lose sight of basic notions of due process and freedom of expression?

On that cheery note I must go, Visage. Your secretary is braying like a hippo in estrous. Who'd have thought that her psychic balance could be so unsettled by the fact that I left her a joke fax purportedly from Kenneth Starr - asking her to submit her bra for serology testing. Your secretary is not a well woman Visage,and it may not be wise to include her on the guest list for the upcoming nuptials of Zorch and John.

Regards,
Doc Logger,
Small Animal Psychologist,
Furlang Island Training Centre For
The Olympic Giant Clam Bobsled Team,