Columns

Dear Editorbeing,

This article is submitted by Charles Herriot(163/110) who managed to coax more correspondence out of Doc Logger. Logger was terribly busy offering media advice to several of the sheep that had interned in Bill Clinton's office.

Dear Reverend Visage,

I know that you have been pre-occupied as the pharmaceutical advisor for the Canadian Olympic Snowboard team (party on, dude) but it is probably time you got the curare dart gun out of storage and joined me on another Big Game hunt for Policy Weenies. With the warm climate caused by El Nino, the equally moist and flatulent bleatings of policy trolls has rung through the FN_SYSOP echo. Who'd have thought that the Spam 'N Timmies *still* spend night after night, huddled over the nodelist looking for policy criminals.

It seems that Net163 has fallen afoul of a sharp-eyed fellow who noted that Malaysia is outside the geographic boundaries of the net. The poor fellow, Gary Gilmore, raised himself up on his hind paws and filed a policy complaint. Oh, for pity's sake, stop snickering - this guy was serious. Not only was he serious but he was quickly joined by a chorus of like-minded policy zealots who clapped their flippers and agreed that offering a nodenumber to a Malaysian sysop was at the very least, likely to bring Civilization to an end. These silly gits don't seem to grasp the simple concept that the node was offered because Net163 prides itself on offering refuge to those who suffer from either the incompetence or malign attentions of their local NCs.

This gets even funnier so set down your Glenlivet for a second. Another keener named Zorch actually got all excited when his Inspector Clousseau sleuthing failed to turn up the telephone exchange for our arctic tundra brethren. This completely ludicrous "discovery" was touted as more evidence that Net163 was geographically impaired. (If it weren't for the new Vegetable Libel laws in Texas, I'd suggest that Zorch spend a few days gaining some of Dallas Hinton's insights.)

As you know, there is nothing more fun than poking sharp sticks at dull, enraged animals so Net163's node segment was soon populated by wierd and wonderful new geographic locales. In a predictable Pavlovian response, the humourless weenies got even further enraged. The netmail from Ted Harrison would make you blush. Some of the policymongers have even, gasped, threatened to netmail Bob "ZC for Life" Satti.

Speaking of Bob "ZC for Life" Satti, I see that his Grey Emminence, Bob Kohl, squeaked through to victory as the new ZEC. Say, wasn't it Bob Kohl who engineering Bob "The Importance of Being Bob" Satti's coronation? Only 53 of the voters ranked Kohl as their dead last choice on the ballot but by the byzantine voting rules, Bob was swept to office on the sixth ballot.

I must go, Visage. Your secretary hasn't been herself all afternoon and has been screaming at high decibels. I think she should get help as soon as possible because it is hard to imagine engendering that level of stress merely by playing MacLean&MacLean CDs for the last 9 hours.

Regards,
Doc Logger
Small Animal Psychology Dept,
University of Pago_Pago