Net Humor

To: cbaker84@digital.net
From: top5@lists.zdnet.com
Subject: Top5 - 3/31/97 - Signs Your Webmaster is in a Cult
Errors-To: top5-errors@lists.zdnet.com
Date: Mon, 31 Mar 1997 20:18:18 MST

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[ This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff Davis, Inc. ]
[ The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfive.com ]

The Top Five List for March 31, 1997

The Top 15 Signs Your Webmaster is in a Cult

15> Every link seems to take you to www.amway.com.

14> Repetition of same banner ads: Stoli, Mott's... Stoli, Mott's...

13> He brings twenty-three wives to the office Holiday Party.

12> Instead of counting up visitors, your site counts down days to the apocalypse.

11> Suddenly your travel agency's site is featuring inter-planetary excursions for comet watching and one-way tickets to Guyana.

10> His home page says "Best viewed from the Mothership."

9> Your website's "Hall of Fame" inductees required to do stint handing out flowers at airport.

8> Your website is honored as the David Koresh Fan Club's "Site of the Day."

7> She has 38 roommates, yet is oddly stress-free.

6> Insists that Sabbath actually begins when "X-files" ends.

5> Frequently mutters about the "Prophet Steve Jobs" returning to rescue the true believers.

4> Not only does he understand Unix, he *IS* one.

3> Big "N" on your browser replaced by spinning head of Charles Manson.

2> He only answers to the name, "Doe-bert."

and the Number 1 Sign Your Webmaster is in a Cult...

1> Ugly clothes; insufficient diet; lack of sleep; goofy haircut; lives in a mansion; has many followe... Hey, wait a minute!
That's Bill Gates!!

Selected from 93 submissions from 33 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors are:

Marc Cukier, Toronto, Canada       --  1  (1st #1!)
Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD        --  2  (Hall of Famer)
David Bryant, Columbia, MD         --  3
Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC     --  4
Duncan Carling, San Francisco, CA  --  5, 13
Natasha Filipovic, New York, NY    --  6
Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA         --  7
Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN         --  8, 9  (Hall of Famer)
Bob Mader, Knoxville TN            --  9
Bill Muse, Seattle, WA             -- 10
Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA          -- 11
Marianne Tatom, Austin, TX         -- 12
Natasha Filipovic, New York, NY    -- 14
Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA     -- 14
Barbara Rush, Tulsa, OK            -- 15
Eric Huret, Atlanta, GA            -- 15
Chris White, New York, NY          -- List owner/editor

Today's Runners Up list, "Scientologists", can be found at our website: http://www.topfive.com

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I was jogging in the park when this COMPLETELY naked man ran right past me. I thought to myself,

"I wonder if I'd run faster barefoot, too?"

(Thanks to Anna Chin-Williams)

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