Net Humor

Signs Your Computer is Possessed

To: cbaker84@digital.net
From: top5@lists.zdnet.com
Subject: Top5 - 2/17/97 - Signs Your Computer is Possessed
Errors-To: top5-errors@lists.zdnet.com
Date: Mon, 17 Feb 1997 20:09:45 MST

The Top Five List
http://www.topfive.com

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http://www.winsources.com [faulty URL [jb 4/25/01]] Update: http://www.zdnet.com/windows/

February 17, 1997

The Top Five List is taking the day off for President's Day, so we'll give you a list from a recent Windows Sources issue. Top Five can be found in the Shut Down section on the last page of Windows Sources each and every month.

The Top 11 Signs Your Computer is Possessed

11> Instead of flying appliances, your screen saver shows horned demons torturing your immediate family.

10> The monitor spins and spews pea soup when you access the Vatican website.

9> Bill Gates Screen Saver eyes follow your every move.

8> Keeps throwing priests out of Windows.

7> Hard disk crashes every time Pat Robertson e-mails you.

6> Green slime oozing out of keyboard again and your kid hasn't used it in weeks.

5> Tech support crew brings Norton Utilities and a crucifix.

4> The little logo on it says: "Satan Inside."

3> No matter what URL you type in, your browser opens up the www.hell.com web site.

2> Dr. Watson replaced by Dr. Kervorkian.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Computer is Possessed...

1> Contrary to the startup screen, you're fairly certain Microsoft hasn't released Windows666 yet.

This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff-Davis
*To forward or repost, please include this section.*
The Top Five List top5@walrus.com http://www.topfiv.com

Selected from 82 submissions from 25 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors are:

Rob Winchell, Arlington, MA         1 (3rd #1)
Bill Muse, Seattle, WA              2, 4
Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA  3, 5
Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA     3
Jeffrey House, Detroit, MI          4
Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC            6
George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO  7
Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA        8
Sam Evans, Charleston, SC           9 (Hall of Famer)
Greg Pettit, Houston, TX           10
Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA       11
Chris White, New York, NY          List owner/editor

No Runners Up List Today

*** Windows Sources Spotlight ***

David Chernicoff, Windows Sources' technical director, explains why you're paying the price for Microsoft's NT driver strategy at http://www.winsources.com.

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Ruminations & Ponderances

The great thing about mug warmers is
you have a hot cup of coffee as
soon as you arrive in the morning.

(Thanks to Marina Swanson)

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