Net Humor

To: cbaker84@digital.net
From: top5@lists.zdnet.com

Subject: TopFive -- 1/31/97 -- Things Overheard at Psychic Jeane Dixon's Funeral

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Date: Thu, 30 Jan 1997 18:38:53 MST

The Top Five List
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January 31, 1997

The Top 16 Things Overheard at Psychic Jeane Dixon's Funeral

16> "Ms Warwick, please stop talking to the deceased."

15> "Now we'll NEVER know who's going to win the Oscars!"

14> "I'm thinking of a passage from John Chapter 3 between 1 and 20."

13> "You're next, you know."

12> "Quiet down, everyone! I can't hear a word Jeane's saying!"

11> "I'm going to miss the way she always knew the outcome of each Matlock."

10> "The woman predicted Kennedy's assassination, for cryin' out loud -- you'd think she'd have known how hideous she'd look in that dress."

9> "I spoke with Jeane this morning. She wants me to have her BMW."

8> "Wait, I'm seeing it -- yes! The number 8 entry on tomorrow's Top Five List will be a self-referential psychic quote thing by Alexander Clemens of San Francisco."

7> "I see a world plunged in darkness. What the--? Hey! Somebody, get me outta this box!"

6> "She looks so supernatural."

5> "Since we all know what the eulogy's going to be, let's cut right to the coffee and sweet rolls."

4> "I see a drunken reception in my near future."

3> "Light as a feather, stiff as a board... light as a feather, stiff as a board..."

2> "Wait, I'm seeing... yes, I'm seeing... worms!"

and the Number 1 Thing Overheard at Psychic Jeane Dixon's Funeral...

1> "Who knew?"

This list copyright 1997 by Chris White and Ziff-Davis
*To forward or repost, please include this section.*
The Top Five List top5@walrus.com www.topfive.com

Selected from 79 submissions from 28 contributors.
Today's Top Five List authors are:

George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO    1 (10th #1)
Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA         2
Marianne Tatom, Austin, TX            3
Rob Winchell, Arlington, MA           4
David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO       5, 9
Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN             6
Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD           7 (Hall of Famer)
Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA  8
Peg Warner, Derry, NH                10
Bill Muse, Seattle, WA               11
Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL       12 (Rookie!)
Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA          13
Paul Seaburn, Houston, TX            14
David Hyatt, New York, NY            15
Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA         16
Chris White, New York, NY            List owner/editor

Today's Runners Up list, "What's the Frequency, Kenneth?", can be found at our website: www.topfive.com

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Ruminations & Ponderances

One night I walked into the kitchen and found Grandma
getting ready to cut up Anna Chin-Williams' family.
"GRANDMA!" I cried, "You said we were having
*Paul Paternoster* tonight!!" She replied,
"No, the dog is having Paul Paternoster!"
Boy, did we ever laugh about that one.
(Thanks to Bill Muse)

One night while I was enjoying Grandma's dog a l*orange,
I mentioned that Paul Paternoster's family actually ate CHICKEN!
Grandma replied, "I guess for some people, nothing's sacred."
There wasn't much to laugh about that night.
(Thanks to Anna Chin-Williams)

THE END

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